Lessons learned from D&D

Jeremy and I had a great conversation a couple days ago about what worked and didn't work when we played various D&D campaigns. Lots of interesting stuff came up, but one thing was most interesting to me and it happens to be a great relationship lesson too.

The campaigns where our group did the best, and where we have had the most fun, are ones where everyone's goal is the same. In the game, we start out with a basic character and some vague idea of what we want to do, and end up shaping our goals and the reasons for reaching those goals together.

When the characters have their motivations and goals sorted out beforehand, it messes with the team cohesion, the team doesn't work quite as efficiently together, and it isn't as fun (at least for us.) To be fair, role playing wise, it puts an interesting and different spin on things: forcing us to figure out how to work with this person, communicate with someone who doesn't want to, etc. But it is more work, and the results we get as a team aren't as awesome.

Cut to the relationship. Seems like common sense, but it did kinda hit me over the head: The same thing applies! I'm seeing it already in our finances. Last year we had all these things we wanted to accomplish with the finances, and though Jer and I were both headed in roughly the same direction (spend less, save more, pay down debt) we had significantly different reasons for doing so. I wanted to be more secure and to feel like I had a bit more control over money. He had big goals like investing in real estate. And sure, we both related to the other's point of view, but there were times when he didn't get why I was upset at a small charge from Taco Bell. And then I didn't get why he was so upset at the real estate market doing what its doing now (after all, it will be a good thing for us, eventually.)

Now I see it. We were reacting to our different motivations. So we weren't completely together on our goals. This year, its different. We both are solidly on the goal of paying off our debt by 2010. Everything else is secondary, and already I can feel the difference. Its easier to talk about, and it feels more fun and less like pulling teeth. I'll definitely keep this site updated with how we do. But the big lesson I'm taking away is that its not enough to be walking in the same direction. It makes a huge difference when you are also heading for the same goal, and have the same or similar motivation for getting there.