On the move!

So yes, I am still freaking out and stressed and scared and all that. AND I am excited!

On Wed I pulled the trigger and bought a round trip ticket to Portland for February 7-10. Hopefully for interviews. If not interviews, than informal meetings with potential employers. If not informal meetings, than networking with people in or connected to my target companies.

Since the money has already been spent, I have a HUGE incentive to push and create these interviews/meetings etc. My first two days, it was damn terrifying, but now...I actually feel empowered.

So here's the deal: Since I have this small window, I have to be really proactive about my search, and in trying to be proactive I found out that I have no idea how to do that with a job search! Its all so passive - respond to listed openings and hope someone calls you. Yeah, not gonna work for me. So, though I am still doing that, I spent the weekend really drilling down to specifics that I could act on: 1)What do I want? Specifically? 2)Where do I want to do it?

What I want is a mid-level accounting position in a dynamic company, specifically software, publishing, marketing. Target companies are Intel, Dark Horse Comics, Nike (a little off of my target, but their accounting dept is pretty interesting), Knowledge University (education software), The Partners Group Ltd, and a couple others that are on my backup list.

And now I'm using linkedIn, Twitter, Google and anything else I can get my hands on to actually connect with someone at these companies and set up some form of meeting (lunch, coffee, 15 min at the office). It feels so great to take real action and be in charge of something! (way better than the normal job hunt, btw)

The hope is that even if these companies don't have a current position open for me, they may in the future, or know other companies in similar industries that have an opening, and my resume will come up because (unlike other applicants) they actually know who I am. The proof will be in the pudding, but honestly, this feels like the best way to find a job and every email I send feels like I'm getting just that much closer to my next dream job.

What's holding me back?

More specifically, what am I scared of? So, the whole story is that we are moving to Portland. But in order to move to Portland, one of us has to find work up there first. Jeremy is on track with TSA, but they move at their own slow, governmental, beaureacratic speed, so we can't really count on them coming through. Which means I am actively looking for a new job in the Portland area.

Or at least, I'm going to. I've dragged my feet putting my resume together, dragging my feet getting a cover letter written, dragging my feet looking for companies to apply for. Every step of the way, I do research, and read and think and plan, and then I feel accomplished enough that I call it finished, at least for a while. In fact, the only reason I even have a resume right now is two things:

One, I gave myself a deadline of Jan 15, which I am overdue on, but not by much. I did do a last minute push to reach that date. Two, I signed up for an online 'class' on hustling, mostly because the first topic interested me: 'Our invisible scripts and how to get over them'. This email list is constantly talking about how people don't take action on what they talk about, or how they let failure stop them before they even really start. It shames me into working for half an hour or so every time I read it.

So, even though I do have a resume and letter close to ready, it happened way later than it should have, and I'm still pretty uncomfortable sending them out at all. But why? What is the 'invisible script?' The underlying belief that stops me in my tracks?

I think its something along the lines of "There are no jobs for me up there, and no one can help me, and I'm just going to be stuck in LA forever, so I should just get used to it." Not helpful. Self-fulfilling, but not helpful. Its like I don't think I deserve a decent job or to live in the city I want to live in. I've also got another one that goes "Portland is going to suck and you are going to be so upset that you moved there, just stay in LA where at least you know you can get along ok." But I know I can get along anywhere, if I keep an open mind and let myself enjoy it, so that really is just a bunch of hooey. But its powerful hooey.

I have to keep myself aware of these "scripts" and take actions in spite of them. To test them. To prove to myself that they are bunk. The actions I'm taking right now, are to just keep moving forward. Sending my resume and cover letter to others to edit and help with, so its not just me that as a stake in it. I have to tell others about my progress. I'm making a list of companies to apply to, and I think I'll make sure Jeremy knows what I'm doing, so he can keep asking me about it too.

Most of all, I'm not letting myself stop. And not letting myself feel like simple research/reading/surfing the internet is 'progress.' I have to have something concrete. At the very least, I will write down what I'm learning and my thoughts, if researching is all I'm doing for a night, so there is something real I created that day. The only way to get there is to keep moving forward.

Holy baby bouncer, Batman!

Oh my goodness Josh has grown this week! He's crawling around now! Not super far, super fast, but three or four feet at a time, and pretty consistently too. He chases Topper around the room, to Topper's chagrin. Where before Topper was safe just moving a few feet away from Josh's grabby hands, that safe zone has now basically disappeared. Its so cool!

Also cool, he's created another hand sign. He's already been rubbing his eyes when he's tired. Which of course started because its a natural movement when he's sleepy, but now its also a communication. And tonight we found that when he grabs his fingers and holds them over his head he's asking to be picked up. He thinks its really fun that we can do what he asks. I think so too. Makes for a much less fussy baby.

He's been communicating when he likes things and doesn't like things, but its cool to get something so specific. We're going to look into teaching him baby signs, so he can tell us more stuff too. More to come.

Motivation!

Jeremy and I haven't been to the gym in a while. There wasn't a 24 hour fitness close enough while we were in Colorado, and when we got back, life was such a whirlwind that we felt there were more urgent things to handle before we could get back into our workout groove.

BUT we did get a Wii Fit for Christmas (Thank you Motleys!) and Just Dance 2 from a giveaway (Thank you Rookie Moms!) and this week we've tried them both out. Sunday it was the Wii Fit, which is mean! Not really, but it certainly doesn't pull any punches. It adjusts your Mii (Wii's version of an avatar) to be as unfit as it thinks you are, which means my mii has a big fat butt and Jeremy's is just overall fat. But then you get to the games which are totally fun. I like the balance games (hula hoop, skiing, etc) and the yoga has a center of gravity sensor that you have to keep within a little circle on the screen. Harder than you think.

Monday, we tried Just Dance 2. Very fun. Jeremy and I got two whole songs in before Joshua got antsy. And boy were we tuckered. Its a really diverse selection of music, and all of it is fun dance/party music. :D

Then comes Tuesday, where we didn't want to do either of those things OR go to the gym because Biggest Loser was on (on our new HD TV - Thank you Asburys!). And you can not interrupt Biggest Loser. No, you can not. Oh dear, what's a girl to do...I can't workout because I'm too busy watching people workout. And then, Jeremy found a solution! He pulled out the fit and did step ups, pushups and crunches while watching the show. Yay!

We each did our own 10-15 minute workouts while watching the show. Its not much, but it sure felt good. Way better than sitting like blobs in front of the TV. And it is WAY motivating to workout while they are working out. Its like Jillian is right there!

So the gym is still on the list - I need to run more to train for the Warrior Dash, and Jeremy and I both love their BodyPump weight lifting class, but now we have multiple options to get just a bit of exercise in on the days when we can't get to the gym. :D